Monday was a rough day, well not entirely. Our Monday class was teaching K and 1st graders for a couple hours at an elementary school, which went great, in my opinion. I'm always happy when I'm teaching kids and especially when I feel like they are truly enjoying it and learning. However, I came down from my high, when we joined as a class afterwards to discuss: Vague expectations and pseudo-organization began to push my buttons. I like to be on top of things, do my very best, and meet all expectations set forth for me, but this is made difficult when they are unclear and so-called organization is more like chaos. I left there feeling frustrated beyond belief and suddenly very stressed out. This stress made me one very cranky girl.
Yesterday, relief finally came. I started to think about how stressed I was with school, my thesis, etc. and started to wonder if I was doing the right thing, pursuing my MAT. And then I started thinking about Monday, when I was with the children, drawing and painting. I remembered how happy it made me, how happy teaching art to children always makes me. Even when I'm having an awful morning and am as cranky as can be, once I walk into a classroom full of kids or the studio at the museum, I am ready to go. I am excited to get started, I'm eager to see what the kids will create, and I'm happy as a clam. I leave work feeling fulfilled and in good spirits. This is what I must keep in mind as certain aspects of school start to get to me. I know I am here for the right reason, to do what I really love and pursue this passion. Stress will always happen, I just need to manage it with this positive mindset.
It also helped that in Thesis class last night, we were finally able to get some perspective from a 2nd year MAT. I was beginning to think they all die off after their first year, for every time we had some sort of MAT/MAAE panel of students or presentations by one or the other, it is always always always an MAAE, leaving us MATS feeling irrelevant and unsure of the path ahead of us. She only spoke for around 15minutes, but I suddenly felt as if this is all doable and that someone out there has answers to my many questions. Her perspective was highly appreciated and I wish her talk wasn't cut short. However, then we actually were able to talk about our individual topics as well, which was a nice change of pace, to get it out in the open and get some sort of feedback.
Overall, things are looking up. I know why I am here. I may get cranky from time to time, but I'm determined to make it till the end. Things may not always be easy, but eventually they will fall into place. I'm sure of it.
The stress, the anxiety, the questioning of "Is this what I really want to do?" are all part of the experience of grad school and the Art Education program at SAIC, Amanda. I think we all go through those rough patches during our time as a student, but it sounds like your passion for teaching and the joy being with kids around art brings you will carry you through. If you ever feel the frustration and despair creeping back in and you'd like to talk with some other former students who are out and about in the world now as art educators, let me know. I can pass along a few names and e-mails.
ReplyDeleteOh, I can relate to how you feel since I'm also going to become a teacher. All the formalities, my master's thesis (which is due at the end of the year and which I am clueless about) is making me nervous and stressed too.
ReplyDeleteBut I keep telling myself that it'll be okay in the end, which I am sure you will be too.
I may take you up on those emails/names down the line. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way and questioning. Ariella, I definitely know what you mean about the master's thesis and being a bit clueless about it. Eeeek!! Good luck with yours!